Sad =[
I miss my little monster. My little angel. I wish you were still here with me. I wish i could feel your kicks. I wish things would have been different. I don’t know how your daddy feels but it doesn’t matter. I still love you and i still miss you every day.
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I’m not really sure why i write on this. I guess it’s my only way to truly let my feelings out. I’m so done. I hate that i let everyone walk all over me. I hate that i have no confidence. People call me beautiful and stuff but i don’t believe it. I don’t feel as strong as everyone thinks i am. I’m so tired of the person that i am. I can honestly say i hate my life. I love the people in my life but i’m tired of living this way. I just can’t catch a break though. It’s hard to get a job and get my life together when i have no ride to get anywhere. My mom’s husband hates me so it’s not like he wants to help me out. I just don’t know what to do to change my life anymore.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry i wasn’t good enough for you. I’m sorry that all the sacrifices i made weren’t enough. When i lived in Brandenburg with you i travelled 50 miles one way for work so i could make sure that we had money to pay our rent and our gas and your cigarettes. I’m sorry getting pregnant with your child and going through the pain, both physical and emotional, of a miscarriage wasn’t enough for you. I’m sorry that i couldn’t let go that you cheated on me while i was pregnant. I’m sorry that i just wasn’t enough for you. I’m tired of the bullshit and the lies. I’m tired of the pain. I’m tired of feeling like i’m not good enough or i’m not pretty enough. I’ve put up with so much because i loved you, and i still do. I will always love you but i’m not gonna sit around and wait for you to make up your mind. I can’t do it. It’s not fair to myself. I can’t handle it. I’m not as strong as i let on. I am falling a part but there is nothing i can do about it right now. I’m done. I’ve never been so fed up in my life. I’m ready to start over.
